Dallas
Dallas Waco

Not Seeing Eye To Eye? Try This.

Listen to Not Seeing Eye To Eye With Someone? Try This.


If you're arguing with someone and need help, try this. 

This psychologist said that when she first learned about the "Gotman-Rapoport technique" she thought it would be a "disaster."

Caroline Fleck said the strategy asks one person to express their perspective and for the other to write down what their partner is saying and then read it back. If they get parts wrong, the speaker is allowed to correct them. Then, they switch.

Caroline, who is an adjunct clinical instructor at Stanford University and author of the upcoming book "Validation," didn't believe this could work, "I am basically intervening in the middle of the conflict to get people to do a writing assignment," she said. "I thought, 'This is not going to go well.'"

To her surprise, Caroline said it was extremely successful. "It's one of the most powerful tools in my therapy arsenal."

She noticed that when people are required to slow-down and actually hear their partner's side, they are validating their partner's experience. And that  is often what's missing when couples are trying to find their way out of a heated stalemate.

"Over the course of a 20-minute argument people are just repeating the same points," Caroline says. "They're coming out in different ways, but they are repeating the same point because they don't feel heard."

Ever been there? She says accurately recording what your partner says can demonstrate that you are, in fact, hearing them.

"[The couples] stopped coming up with their counterargument, and they started really just listening," she says. "I'm not saying they have to understand or even empathize with the other person's perspective. I just want them to hear it."

This recognition immediately decreases tension and serves as a first step toward finding a solution.

Hope that can help you and yours.

Share Post

You May Also Like

Can You Read Cursive Writing? The Nation Needs You!
McKinney Police Arrest Is A Frosty Occasion.
Governor Abbott Asks Texans To Stay Home

Categories

Stress & Anxiety